Now turn we again to this image. If thou wilt, try how much anger and envy is hid in thy heart, which thou feelest and perceivest not. Look well and behold thyself wisely when such stirrings of anger and envy against thy neighbour spring out of thy heart. The more that thou art stirred by melancholy or wicked will against him, the more is this image in thee. For the more thou grudgest by impatience, either against God for any tribulation or sickness, or other bodily disease sent by Him, or against thy neighbour, for aught that he doth against thee, the less is the image of Jesus reformed in thee. I say not that such grudgings or fleshly angriness are deadly sins; but I say that they hinder the cleanness of heart and peace of conscience, that thou canst not have perfect charity, by the which thou shouldst come to life Contemplative. For that end is the purpose of all my saying, that thou shouldst not only cleanse thy heart from deadly sins, but also from venial as much as thou canst; and that the ground of sin might by grace of Jesus Christ be somewhat shaked in thee. (John Climacus)

Yesterday I was angry for being misheard, mis-perceived, and, perhaps, dismissed. I have not yet responded. I did not want to respond in anger.

But I am impatient with the situation. I continue angry with a neighbor, though less today than yesterday.

My principal inclination is to withdraw. I am uncertain if this inclination is passive-aggressive or deferential. Am I being realistic about the context or unrealistic about the difficulties of communication and mutual understanding?

Should I forgive and continue to engage or should I forgive and move on?

I am not a contemplative and I live far outside the monastery, but I sometimes expect my contemporaries to behave more as monastics than any of us are and with more grace than any community of real monks has probably ever achieved.

The image shows St. Benedict delivering his Rule to the monks of his order.