But now sayest thou, that it behoveth thee to have thy necessaries of such things as belong unto thee, as well as a worldly man. I grant well thereto; but thou shouldst not love it for itself, nor have liking in the holding nor in the keeping, nor feel sorrow and heaviness in the losing, or in the withdrawing of it. For as St Gregory saith: As much sorrow as thou hast in losing of a thing, so much love hast thou in the keeping of it. And therefore if so be thy heart made whole, and thou hadst truly felt a desire of spiritual things, and therewith hadst a true sight of the least spiritual thing that is, thou wouldst set at nought all the love and liking of any earthly thing, it would not cleave to thee. (John Climacus)

The prospect -- even the surety of loss and separation -- should not dissuade us from recognizing the value of what we encounter.

Beautiful and wondrous worldly things come into our lives. Some we may own, many we may sense for mere moments. The beauty and wonder are worthy to embrace. It is appropriate to regret their loss.

I understand and respect the dangers of attachment, but detachment is seldom the best response. Instead we are called to mindful attention and thanksgiving.

If thou have love and delight in the having and holding of anything that thou hast, how mean soever it may be, with the which love thou feedest thy heart for a time, or if thou have a desire and yearning for to have something that thou hast not, with the which desire thy heart is disquieted and stumbled through unreasonable thinking of the thing, that the pure desire of virtue and of God cannot rest therein; this is a sign that there is covetousness in this image. And if thou wilt put thyself further to the trial, look if anything that thou hast be taken away from thee by violence, or by borrowing, or any other way, so that thou canst not get it again, and for this thou art disquieted, angered, and troubled in thine heart, both for the loss of that thing which thou wouldst have again, and canst not; and also art stirred against him that hath it, to strive and chide with him that may restore it, and will not, this is a token that thou lovest worldly goods. For thus do worldly men when their goods and riches are taken from them; they are heavy, sorry and angry, chiding and striving with them that have them, openly, both by word and deed. But thou dost all this in thy heart privily, where God seeth, and therein thou art in more default than a worldly man; for thou hast forsaken in appearance the love of worldly things, but a worldly man hath not so, and therefore he is excused, though he strive and pursue for his goods by lawful means, for to have them again. (John Climacus)

Because I am worldly I am excused, according to Climacus.

But why would my open covetousness, acquisitiveness, and striving be less of an impediment than the hidden disquiet of the monastic?

Other than God all is ephemeral. Attachment to any ephemeral thing will be a source of regret.

Regret can be - often has been a - motivation for further opening to God.

I am, and most of us are, paradoxical, contradictory, and inconsistent. But if in this mix there is authentic love of God and neighbor, even chiding and striving can, eventually, lead to a deeper relationship with what is good, true, and beautiful.

Heave up this image, and look well about it, and into it, and then shalt thou see covetousness and love of earthly things possess a great part of this image, though it seem little of it. Thou hast forsaken riches and the having much of this world, and art shut up in a cell, but hast thou cleanly forsaken the love of all this? I fear not yet, for it is less mastery to forsake worldly goods than to forsake the love of them. Peradventure thou hast not forsaken thy covetousness, but only hast changed it from great things unto small; from a pound unto a penny, and from a silver dish unto a dish of a halfpenny. This is but a simple change; thou art no good merchant. These examples are childish, nevertheless they signify much more. If thou believe not what I say, put thyself upon the trial. (John Climacus)

Unlike the monastics to whom Climacus is writing, I have not forsaken the world.

Moreover, I am inclined to cultivate and celebrate earthly beauty, worldly wisdom, and the material potential of God's gifts. If I am to put myself on trial, I plead guilty.

Still, I understand the potential distraction of beauty and the corruption of acquisitiveness. There is an enormous difference between celebrating and coveting. So I will listen carefully as Climacus unfolds his indictment.

Right so shalt thou love thy neighbour. If he be good and righteous thou shalt love him by charity in God only; in that he is good and righteous; for then lovest thou God (who is goodness and righteousness) in him, and so thou lovest him more than if he were bad or in deadly sin. As, for example, thy enemies who hate thee, or any other of whom thou hast full evidence they are not in grace; yet notwithstanding shalt thou love them, not as they are, nor as good and righteous men (for they are bad and unrighteous), but thou shalt love them for God, that they may be good and righteous. And so shalt thou hate nothing in them, but that thing which is contrary to righteousness, and that is sin. This is as I understand the doctrine of St Augustine, for to distinguish the love of the man from the hatred of his sin, and the love of thy neighbour. He that is humble, or desires truly to be humble, can thus love his neighbour, and none but he. (John Climacus)

To be humble is to be grounded, to be rooted, to draw strength from the source of creation.

There are limitations, but also an experience of depth. Challenges continue and loss, but there is innate resilience.

From such roots comes forth shade for all and fruit for any who pass by.

The image is of the Trinity Root, a sycamore tree sheltered St. Paul's Chapel from the blast created by the falling World Trade Towers. The tree itself was ripped out of the ground. The artist, Steve Tobin, made a mold of the stump from the tree to form a large sculpture called Trinity Root.

But now thou wilt say: How shall I love him that is bad as well and truly as him that is good? To this I say thus: That thou shalt love both good and bad in charity, but not for the same cause as I shall tell how. Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. Now, thou shalt love thyself only in God, or else for God. In God thou lovest thyself, when thou art righteous and virtuous through grace, and lovest not thyself but only for that righteousness and virtues that God giveth thee, then lovest thou thyself in God, for thou lovest not thyself, but God. Also, thou lovest thyself for God, when being in deadly sin thou desirest to be made righteous and virtuous, for then thou lovest not thyself as thou art (for thou art unrighteous), but as thou wouldst be. (John Climacus)

I honor myself; understand, justify, and forgive myself, whether or not I am in God.

At times when being in deadly sin, I am proud of myself and self-love overflows.

I am learning a great deal from Climacus, but here I perceive he is attempting to define and limit our love of self in order to do likewise for neighbor.

Jesus taught I am to love the Lord my God with all my heart, and mind, and soul, and my neighbor as myself.

Love for neighbor is poised between these two poles: the love we have for our most worthy God and our least worthy selves. Precisely because we are unworthy, we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.

Whoso thinkest himself to be in his life a perfect lover and follower of Christ’s teaching (as some men perhaps esteem themselves to be, because they preach and teach, and are poor in worldly goods, as Christ was) and cannot follow Christ in this love and charity, to love their neighbours, even every man, both good and bad, friend and foe, without feigning or flattery, or despising him in his heart, without angriness or malicious reproving, soothly he beguileth himself. The nearer he thinketh himself to be to Christ’s example, the further is he off; for Christ said to them that would be His disciples, thus: This is My bidding, that you should love one another as I have loved you. For if ye love as I have loved, then are ye My disciples. (John Climacus)

I will not at once love my neighbors as Jesus has taught.

Climacus has argued that humility is the essential precondition for such love, authentic humility will not be cultivated in one day.

But I can begin and endeavor to persist. One aspect of humility is attention: seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and feeling what is real.

Today I can attend carefully to reality - both inner and outer reality - and engage this reality as honestly and openly as I can.

In this attention I may better apprehend the grace of God on which achieving both humility and love will finally depend.

Look and bethink thee how Christ loved Judas, who was both His deadly enemy and a sinful caitiff; how goodly Christ was to him, how benign, how courteous, and how lowly to him whom He knew to be damnable. And nevertheless He chose him to be His apostle, and sent him to preach with His other apostles. He gave him power to work miracles; He showed the same good cheer to him in word and deed as He did to other apostles. He washed his feet, and fed him with His precious Blood, and preached to him as He did to His other apostles. He bewrayed him not openly (for He did it privily); He miscalled him not, despised him not, never spake evil of him; notwithstanding if He had done all these things, He had said nothing but truth. Moreover, when Judas took Him, He kissed him, and called him His friend. All this charity showed Christ unto Judas, whom He knew to be damnable; and this He did in no way of counterfeiting or flattering, but in reality and truth of good love and clean charity. (John Climacus)

I have very few enemies. But I have a few.

I have given myself too much credit for avoiding enemies. With those few I have, I miscall them, despise them, and delight in speaking evil of them.

Such is unhelpful to both my enemy and myself.

The image is of Judas greeting Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemene by Caravaggio.

This charity had St Stephen perfectly when he prayed for them that stoned him to death. This charity counselled Christ to those that would be His perfect followers when He said thus: Love your enemies, do good to them that hate you, pray for them that persecute you. And, therefore, if thou wilt be one of Christ’s followers, be like Him in this craft. Learn to love thine enemies and sinful men, for all these are thy neighbours. (John Climacus)

All these are our neighbors.

We are to love them. We are to honor, respect, and engage them.

We are to love them as we love ourselves, which is often to recognize good intent even in the midst of serious error.

We are to love our neighbors as Jesus loved us, with patience, generosity, and even self sacrifice.

This is how we are to love our enemies and sinful men.

For though it be so that thou feelest no evil against thy neighbour for a time, yet art thou not secure that the ground of anger is quenched in thee; neither yet art thou lord and master of the virtue of charity. For let him but touch thee a little angrily, or by a shrewd word, and thou shalt see presently whether thy heart be yet made whole by perfect charity. The more thou art stirred and evil-willed against his person, the further art thou from charity. And if thou be nothing stirred against his person, neither by any angry carriage or gesture outwardly, nor by any privy hate in thy heart, either to despise or judge him, or undervalue, or set him at nought; but the more shame or villainy he doth to thee by word or deed, the more pity and compassion thou hast of him, as thou wouldst have of a man that were out of his wits, and thinkest that thou canst not find in thy heart to hate him (because love is so good in itself) but pray for him and help him and desire his amendment, not only with thy mouth, as hypocrites can do, but with affection of love in thy heart; then hast thou perfect charity to thy neighbour. (John Climacus)

This is a difficult lesson.

It is easy to feel love from a distance. Most of what we mistake as love is merely sentimental imaginings.

But Climacus argues we are to actively love the real people who are present, even when they are hurling at us "shame and villainy".

When I encounter such real people I am very much inclined to set them at nought, in other words to withdraw.

I have felt some pride in my ability to withdraw without rancor and while claiming to honor the other person. This is, Climacus insists, the pride of a hypocrite.

Now turn we again to this image. If thou wilt, try how much anger and envy is hid in thy heart, which thou feelest and perceivest not. Look well and behold thyself wisely when such stirrings of anger and envy against thy neighbour spring out of thy heart. The more that thou art stirred by melancholy or wicked will against him, the more is this image in thee. For the more thou grudgest by impatience, either against God for any tribulation or sickness, or other bodily disease sent by Him, or against thy neighbour, for aught that he doth against thee, the less is the image of Jesus reformed in thee. I say not that such grudgings or fleshly angriness are deadly sins; but I say that they hinder the cleanness of heart and peace of conscience, that thou canst not have perfect charity, by the which thou shouldst come to life Contemplative. For that end is the purpose of all my saying, that thou shouldst not only cleanse thy heart from deadly sins, but also from venial as much as thou canst; and that the ground of sin might by grace of Jesus Christ be somewhat shaked in thee. (John Climacus)

Yesterday I was angry for being misheard, mis-perceived, and, perhaps, dismissed. I have not yet responded. I did not want to respond in anger.

But I am impatient with the situation. I continue angry with a neighbor, though less today than yesterday.

My principal inclination is to withdraw. I am uncertain if this inclination is passive-aggressive or deferential. Am I being realistic about the context or unrealistic about the difficulties of communication and mutual understanding?

Should I forgive and continue to engage or should I forgive and move on?

I am not a contemplative and I live far outside the monastery, but I sometimes expect my contemporaries to behave more as monastics than any of us are and with more grace than any community of real monks has probably ever achieved.

The image shows St. Benedict delivering his Rule to the monks of his order.

How shalt thou, then, have it, sayest thou? Be meek and lowly in spirit and thou shalt have it; and what is lighter to be done than to be humble? Soothingly nothing. Then it followeth that there is nothing so lightly to be had as charity, and, therefore, thou need not be much afraid; be humble, and have it. Thus saith St James: Our Lord resisteth the proud, but giveth grace to the humble. Which grace is properly charity; for according to the measure of thy humility, so shalt thou have charity. If thou have humility imperfectly only in will, not in affection, then hast thou imperfect charity, which indeed is good, for it sufficeth for salvation, as David saith: Lord, with the eyes of mercy thou seest my imperfection.But if thou have humility perfectly, then shalt thou have perfect charity, and this is best. The other we must necessarily have if we will be saved. This we should ever desire and labour for. If thou ask me now who is perfectly humble, I shall tell thee no more concerning humility at this time but this: He is humble that truly knoweth himself as he is. (John Climacus)

Humility begins by embracing the reality of our context.

Humility deepens by recognizing the reality of how we are related to our context.

Through this deepening experience of our relationships we encounter the ultimate reality of God.

In our relationship with God and others we are able to truly know ourselves.

But now peradventure thou beginnest to be afraid for that which I have said, that charity cannot be gotten by any work that thou canst do; how shalt thou then do. To this I answer, that there is nothing so hard to get as charity; this is truth, as to the getting of it by our own travail and labour. And, on the contrary, I say that there is no gift of God that may so lightly or easily be had as charity, for our Lord giveth no gift so freely, nor so gladly, nor so commonly, as He doth give it. (John Climacus)

I have not read ahead, but I expect Climacus will say that the love of God is available to all who will receive it.

To receive is less a matter of action than being sufficiently present with God to recognize the gift.

But to be present, attentive, and receptive -- rather than working and worried -- is something few of us have mastered.

Also, if a man had the knowledge of all books and divinity, and be not withal truly humble, he shall lightly stumble and err in this point, and take the one for the other. But humility is worthy to receive a gift from God, which cannot be gotten or learned by cunning of man, and therefore he that is humble can hate the sin and truly love the man. (John Climacus)

Intellect alone is cold. This does not mean it is cruel or necessarily aloof. And even though the intellect is inclined to careful discrimination, it can be as careful to avoid judgment.

But no matter how finely woven, the intellect by itself lacks the warmth of God's grace. Moreover, if left alone for many years the intellect tends toward pride. It has much of which to be proud.

When intellect is combined with humility - when head and heart are each grounded in God - then knowing and loving is the same stance and gesture.

The image is of the tree of knowledge. The Genesis tale of Eve and the Tree is an allegory of how humility was lost in pursuit of knowledge.

Thus humble was St Paul, and therefore said he thus of himself: Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or anguish, or distress,etc.? And he answereth himself, and saith: I am persuaded that no creature shall be able to separate me from the charity of God in Christ Jesus. Many men do deeds of charity, and have no charity, as I have said. To reprove a sinner for his sin to his amendment, in a convenient time, is a deed of charity; but to hate the sinner instead of the sin, is against charity. He that is verily humble can part the one from the other, and none but he. For though a man had all moral virtues of all the philosophers, he could not do this; he could be able to hate sin in other men (for he hateth it in himself), but he could not be able to love the man in charity, with all his philosophy. (John Climacus)

Humility does not replace judgment, humility informs judgment.

Humility allows us to distinguish sin from sinner and to love the sinner in a manner that gives us insight into the sin.

To know how and when to engage the sinner to separate from he sin is a skill allowed by humility.

Even as if the sinner were ourselves, as will often be the case.

Here it seemeth by St Paul’s words that a man may do all good deeds bodily without charity, and that charity is nought else but to love God and his neighbour as himself. How should, then, any wretched caitiff upon earth, whatever he be, have any delight or trust or security in himself for anything he doth or is able to do with all his bodily powers or natural wit, sith all this is nought worth without love and charity to his neighbour? And this charity cannot be gotten by his own working, for it is the free gift of God, sent only into an humble soul, as St Paul saith. Who then dare be so bold as to say: I have Christ, or I am charity? Verily no man can say it securely,or of a certainty, but he that is perfectly and truly humble; other men may trow of themselves, and hope that they be in charity by tokens; but he that is perfectly humble feeleth it, and therefore may say it securely. (John Climacus)

Humility, then, is the precondition for experiencing agape?

Climacus seems to say that agape is a gift of God that can only be received by the well-prepared heart.

In cultivating humility we prepare ourselves for seeds of love. If the seeds can be received, they will be bountiful.

But without humility - without choosing what seems to be self-sacrifice - we cannot know agape.

Break open the hard and stony ground of ego. Overturn the rich soil beneath.

Secondly, that it is a great mastery for a man to know how and to be able to love his neighbour in charity; all which may be plainly proved by St Paul’s words, thus: If I speak with the tongues of men and angels, if I have not charity, I am right nought; and if I have so great faith that I can overturn hills and bear them away, and have not charity, I am right nought. And also, though I had all manner of knowledge of all mysteries, and if I give all that I have to the poor, and my body to be burnt, and have not charity, it profiteth me right nought.(John Climacus)

Caritas is the Latin, from which we derive charity.

Agape (αγάπη) is the original Greek used in the reference to First Corinthians that Climacus offers above.

This is a love of other at least equal to love of self; it can be a self-sacrificing love, from which emerged the typical secular meaning of charity.

But this love goes well beyond cash - of whatever amount - given.

Through agape we identify with the other, recognizing we are of one body with the other, and through relationship with the other we will come to know our true self.

From this, therefore, we are to learn these two lessons. First, that we should love and worship all men in our hearts, and approve and think well of and receive all their deeds that have the likeness of goodness, though the doers be bad in the sight of God, except they be the deeds of known and open heretics, or of open cursed (or excommunicated) men; for of these two we are specially to fly and eschew their company and coming amongst them. And we are also to reprove and refuse their deeds, seem they never so good, as long as they are rebels to God and holy Church. And if a worldly, cursed (or excommunicated) man build a church, or feed poor men, thou mayest safely hold and judge such his doings to be noughts and deem them as they are. Also if an open heretic, who is a rebel to holy Church, preach and teach, though he convert a hundred thousand souls, thou mayest hold the deed, as to himself, right nought; for these men are openly out of charity, without which all is nought that a man doth. (John Climacus)

Intention matters. But intention can be beyond our knowing, often for ourselves and usually for others.

So if the deeds of others are superficially good, we should give them the benefit of the doubt in terms of their intention.

This is, I think, one of the wisest aspects of loving our neighbor as ourself. We can almost always find good intention to explain our own deeds, good or bad. In like manner we are to honor the deeds and intentions of our neighbors.

And, therefore, for the learning of this hard lesson, thou must understand and consider that a good man for the love of God fasteth, watcheth, goeth on pilgrimage and forsaketh all the pleasures of the world sincerely in his heart, without feigning, and he hath his reward in heaven; and an hypocrite doth the same deeds out of vain-glory and for love of himself, and receiveth his reward here. Also, a true preacher of God’s Word, filled with charity and humility, sent of God and received and approved by the Church, if he preach and teach God’s Word, shall have a special reward of God; that is the aureola for his preaching. And an hypocrite or an heretic that hath no humility or charity, nor is sent of God nor yet of holy Church, if they preach, they have their reward here. Also a good man living in the world for the love of God buildeth many churches, chapels, abbeys, hospitals and doth other many good deeds of mercy, and he shall have his reward in the bliss of heaven, not for the deed in itself, but for the good will and the charity that he hath in him by the gift of God for to do these good deeds. Another man out of vanity of himself and worship and pleasing of the world and for his own name doth the same good deeds, and hath his reward here. The cause in all these is that the one hath charity and the other none; but which is the one and which is the other, our Lord knoweth, and none but He. (John Climacus)

I wonder if we, ourselves, can ever be sure of our motivations. If even the hypocrite and saint are included in the none that know.

I also wonder if in whatever we do, and however mixed our motivation, we may be susceptible to God's help. The first sphere of Dante's paradise is for those who contributed to God's purpose even though they were unable to keep their vows.

Vanity can be a step on the ladder to higher purpose. Hypocrisy involves at least a faint knowledge of the truth. God finds us where we are and, if we are listening, helps us make our way to a better place.

For though it be true that all those deeds before said be good in themselves, yet are they common to good men and to bad, for every man may do them if that he would and have wherewith. And for thee to do that which every man may do, I hold it no mastery; but to love thy neighbour in charity and hate his sin can no man do, save only good men, who have it by the gift of God and not by their own travail, as St Paul saith: Love and charity is shed abroad in your hearts by the Holy Ghost, which is given to you. And, therefore, it is more precious and more dainty to come by. All other good deeds without this make not a man good nor worthy of the bliss of heaven, but this alone, and only this, maketh a man good and all his good deeds to be medeful. All other gifts of God and works of man are common to good and bad, to the chosen and the reprobate; but this gift of charity is proper only to good and chosen souls. (John Climacus)

The gospel lesson on Sunday in many churches was the story of the Good Samaritan, told by Jesus in answer to the question, "Who is my neighbor?"

Over the weekend and on Monday I was in New York. I passed many panhandlers. I edged away from them, did not look at them, did not give them cash.

I did not love them. I certainly did not act with charity, in any meaning of the word. This is how I respond to the clearest need. I do even less for those in Haiti, Sudan, or down the road.

The image is of the Good Samaritan by Ferdinand Hodler.

It is no mastery to watch and fast till thy head ache; nor to run to Rome or Jerusalem on pilgrimage upon thy bare feet; nor for to stir about and preach, as if thou wouldst turn all men by thy preaching. Nor is it any mastery to build churches or chapels, or to feed poor men and build hospitals. But it is a mastery for a man to love his neighbour in charity, and wisely hate his sin, and love the man. (John Climacus)

Neither Deuteronomy nor Jesus diectly reference hating our neighbors sin.

Instead we are to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind and our neighbor as ourselves. All the rest is commentary.

More than any specific deed, it is the relationship with our neighbor that establishes our relationship with God.

Such motions and stirrings as these seem good; nevertheless, if thou ransack it well, thou shalt find it more fleshly and sensual sometimes against the person than spiritual against the sin; for thou shouldst love the man, be he never so sinful, and hate the sin in every man whatever he be. Many are beguiled in this, for they set the bitter instead of the sweet and take darkness instead of light, contrary to the prophet, saying: Woe to you who call evil good, and good evil; putting darkness for light, and light for darkness; putting bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter. Thus do all they who, when they should hate the sin of their neighbour and love his person, hate the person instead of the sin, and imagine that they hate the sin. Wherefore it is a special craft and art by itself whoso can do it well. (John Climacus)

I have been very bad at holding people accountable. Because of this weakness I have suffered and others have suffered.

In some cases, perhaps even most, those who are accountable have suffered as well, perhaps even worst of all. They have seen what they have done or left undone. They have known its consequences. Yet they have been kept in relationship with me and others.

My task has not been to hold others accountable for sin. The accountability of which I speak is of a lesser sort; yet, here too, they failed to hit the mark.

Each day, sometimes it seems each hour, I fail to hit the mark. My efforts fall far short of God's intentions. It is sometimes difficult to love myself.

Yet I seek God's love and need God's mercy and hope my prayer is answered: forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.

Turn this image upside down, and look well therein, and thou shalt find two members or limbs of envy and anger fastened thereto, with several branches springing out of them, which hinder the love and charity which thou oughtest to have toward thy neighbour. The branches of these two sins are these: Hatred, evil suspicion, false and rash or unskilful judging, melancholy, risings of heart against them, despising, unkindness, and backbiting, or other ill-speaking of them, misliking, unskilful or causeless blaming of them, misconstruing their words or deeds, anguish and heaviness against those that despise us, or speak any evil of us, or speak against us, a joy or gladness at their pain, a selfness or bitterness against sinful men and others that will not do as we think they should do, with great desire and eagerness of heart (under colour of charity and justice), that they were well punished and chastised for their sin. (John Climacus)

Reading this description of envy and anger, uninvited I thought this is what I hear and see in so much of American political "discussion."

Rather than engage and try to reach mutual understanding, we envy our adversaries and in anger attempt to destroy them.

It is not surprising to find "selfness" in political life and there has always been unkindness, backbiting, and ill-speaking. We misconstrue - purposefully or not - from our own weakness.

But I do not see why our disagreements must end, if not also begin, in hatred, evil suspicion, false and rash or unskilful judging.

We need not wait for death to experience our just reward for engaging our neighbors with such attitudes.

The image is the cover of a recent book by Glenn Beck.

For though these stirrings be but little and venial, nevertheless they show well that there is much pride hid in the ground of thy heart, as the fox dareth in his den. These stirrings, with many more, spring so fast out of this image that thou scarcely canst do any good deed but it will be mingled with some pride or vain delight in thyself, and so with thy pride thou defileth all thy good deeds, and makest them loathesome in the sight of thy Lord. I say not that they are lost because they are mingled with this pride. But I say that those good deeds are not so pleasant to thy Lord as they would be if they were simple and truly rooted in the virtue of humility. And, therefore, if thou wilt have cleanness of heart, to come to the love of God, it behoveth thee not only to fly the rest and repose of thy heart in vain-glory, by willingly consenting to pride, and also the wretchless liking therein out of frailty against thy will, but also the very feeling itself of pride, as well as thou canst, which will not be done unless thou be full quick and diligent about the keeping of thy heart, as I shall tell thee hereafter. (John Climacus)

Just before turning to Climacus I read another online meditation. This morning what was posted for yesterday has not changed.

Responding to Psalm 18 the meditation asserts, "God does not simply tolerate us. God does not only pity us. God delights in us, finds pleasure in us, seeks us out to save us because we give him joy. Consider that you are God's joy, that God seeks you out to save you because God delights in you."

In Climacus and this other we have two different visions of God. In each you and I need to be saved. But in one we must earn God's pleasure. In the other God delights in us, even with our frailities.

I have well-nigh forgotten that image I spake of, but now I turn again thereto. If thou wilt know how much pride is therein, thou mayest try it thus: Look to it wisely, and flatter not thyself; if loving, praising or worshipping, or human favours of worldly men or others, be pleasing to thy heart, and thou turnest them into vain gladness, and well paying of thyself, thinking secretly in thy heart, that men ought to praise thy life, and reward thy speeches more than other men’s; and also on the contrary, if it be so, that when men reprove thee, and set thee at nought, hold thee for a fool, or an hypocrite, or slander thee, or speak evil of thee falsely, and in any other way disease thee unreasonably, and for this thou feelest in thy heart a grievous heaviness against them, and a great rising in thy heart, with an unwillingness to suffer any shame or disgrace in the sight of the world; if, I say, it be thus with thee, it is a token that there is much pride in this dark image, seem thou never so holy in the sight of men. (John Climacus)

By these criteria I am certainly filled with pride, especially in what pleases my heart.

Yet, I am embarrassed by praise because I know that my life is often tawdry and corrupt.

I have seldom been publicly reproved or called the fool or slandered. But I have been dismissed and discounted. This hurts. But I have not blamed the other because it has often seem to me a fair accounting of my value.

So it would seem pride coexists with its opposite within me.

Now by what hath been said, thou mayest (if thou wilt understand them) conceive comfort for thy degree of living, and also matter of humility. For though it be true, that (in case thou come to Heaven) thou shalt there receive so much reward in special, for thy state of life; nevertheless it may be that there is many a wife, and many a woman, living at large in the world, that shall be nearer God than thou, and shall love God more, and know Him better than thou, for all thy religious state, and that ought to be a shame to thee. Yet if thou labour to get love and charity as fully and as perfectly as those that live in the world (for thou mayest have it by the gift of God, as much as they that live in worldly business), then shalt thou have as much of the Sovereign or Essential reward as they; and, moreover, shalt also have another singular and accidental reward and worship, for thy state of Religion which the others shall not have. If then thou wilt do well, be humble, and forget thy state, as if it were right nought; for in sooth it is so, that is, right nought in itself. And let thy desire and business be to destroy sin, and to get charity, and humility, and other ghostly virtues, for therein lieth all. (John Climacus)

Labor or Grace? Paul or James? Merit or Forgiveness. Here or Heaven?

Is it God's intent that we earn our way into heaven - or - Is it God's intent that today we be in loving relationship with one another and with God?

So much of religious life seems anxious to earn what Jesus seems to say is God's gift.

The image is of the last judgment by Michelangelo (Sistine Chapel)

But thou wilt say: Sure there be few or none such that are so blind as to hold and choose vain joy in themselves for joy in God. As to this I cannot answer, nor will, though I could; only I will tell thee this one thing, that there be many hypocrites, and, nevertheless, they think themselves to be none, and that there be many that dread and fear themselves to be hypocrites, and soothly are none; who is the one, and who is the other, God knows, and none but He. Whoso will humbly dread, shall not be beguiled; and whoso thinketh himself secure, he may lightly fall. For St Paul saith: Whose esteemeth himself to be something, whereas indeed he is nothing, he beguileth himself. (John Climacus)

In our age it is easier to find those who will admit to choosing joy in themselves for joy in God.

But the problem persists. With Paul I can say, "For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members." (Romans 7:22-23)

I am a hypocrite. Though I argue for and actively seek the joy of God, I too often thoughtlessly choose joy in myself... and find myself joyless.

Job saith thus of an hypocrite: The joy of an hypocrite is as it were for a moment. If his pride rise up even to the heavens, and his head touch the clouds, at the last end he shall be cast out as a dung-heap. The joy of an hypocrite is but a point, for if he worship himself never so much, and joy in himself never so much, all his lifetime, and bepaint himself with all his good deeds, in the sight and praisings of the world, at the last it will prove right nought but sorrow and pain.(John Climacus)

I wonder about what differentiates a sense of pride from a sense of progress.

I don't want to be prideful. I want to be motivated by something beyond myself. I do not want to be self-serving.

But I do seek signs that what I am doing is productive (or not), helpful (or not),creative (or not). I am, I hope, ready for self-sacrifice. But I also seek the joy of knowing I am not just fooling myself (or others), and contributing something substantive.

Is this pride?

This ravishing in spiritual pride is delectable, and, therefore, he keepeth it, holdeth it, and nourisheth it as much as he can. For this love and delight he prayeth, watcheth, weareth haircloth, and doth other afflictions, and all these trouble him but little. He pretends to love God, and thanketh Him sometimes with his mouth; sometimes wringeth a tear out of his eye, and then he thinketh all safe enough. But soothly, all this is for love of himself which he chooseth, and mistaketh for love and joy in God, and therein lies all his sin. Not that he willingly chooseth sin, as it is sin, but chooseth this delight and joy that he takes for good, as the rest and repose of his soul. Which, because he doth without any striving against it, or displeasure at it in his will, therefore is it sin; for he judgeth it to be a joy in God, and it is not so, and, therefore, sinneth he mortally. (John Climacus)

Spiritual pride is the foundation of idolatry and hypocrisy. Through pride, the sinner worships self instead of God.

Pride can obscure the idol so completely the sinner may be entirely sure of his or her true faith in and relationship with God. Pride allows self-serving behavior to be justified as God's will.

This prideful error regarding God's intent allows - may even drive - the sinner to attitudes and acts that are dismissive of or hateful to neighbor. This hypocrisy exposes the underlying idolatry.

We cannot love God and despise neighbor. Our neighbors - close at hand and far away - are God's emissaries to our heart and mind.

In loving our neighbor, we love God. In self-sacrificial service to neighbor we may exorcise our temptation to self-serving pride.

The image is of the Pharisee and the Publican.

The hypocrite also sinneth deadly in pride. He is an hypocrite that chooseth vain joy in himself, as the rest and full delight of his heart in this manner. When a man doth many good deeds bodily and ghostly, and then is put into his mind by the suggestion of the enemy, the beholding of himself and those good deeds, how good, how holy he is, how worthy in men’s deem, and how high in God’s sight, above other men, he perceiveth this stirring, and receiveth it willingly, for he judgeth it to be good, and from God, forasmuch as it is true (for he doth these good deeds better than other men). And when it is received thus by consent of his will, there ariseth from it in his heart so great a love and delight in himself, that he hath so much grace, that for the time it ravisheth his mind out of all other thoughts, both corporal and spiritual, and setteth it upon vain joy in himself, as on a rest of his heart. (John Climacus)

This is not my problem. But there is something here that illuminates my problem.

I do not love myself or my neighbor or my God. In each case - and most harshly with myself - I do not extend the object of love the full honor that love requires.

It seems to me that love involves accepting - actually, celebrating - the full reality of the one we love.

With God this is difficult because God's full reality is beyond my understanding. Likewise my neighbor often remains a bit of a mystery. But with each of these objects, my honoring may be a bit abstract, not fully celebratory, but it is reasonably honest.

With myself, whose reality I best understand, I am often harsh and intolerant; going beyond self-critique to something unhelpful, unhealthy, and unloving.

Of this blindness and this false resting of an heretic in his own feeling, speaketh the wise man thus: There is a way that seemeth right to a man, and the last end of it bringeth him to endless death. This way specially is called heresy: for other fleshly sinners that sin mortally and lie therein, commonly condemn themselves, and feel biting in conscience, because they go not the right way; but an heretic supposeth that he doth well, and teacheth well, yea, and that no man doth and teacheth so well as he, and so judgeth his way to be right, and, therefore, feeleth he no biting of conscience nor humility in heart. And, soothly, if God of His great mercy sendeth him not humility at the last end, he goeth to hell. And, nevertheless, yet weeneth he to have done well and that he shall get the bliss of Heaven for his teaching.(John Climacus)

In how to better understand scripture, how to better understand our relationship with neighbor, and how to better understand our relationship with God, I have a fairly high opinion of myself. The process of understanding is different than doing, but within the narrow confines of understanding I "doth well and teacheth well."

Because I was raised in a non-conforming tradition I have no particular aversion to what others might consider heresy. If historical evidence and higher criticism point in one direction, I am likely to go there. If my personal preference - and on rare occasions, sense of revelation - points in the same direction, then I will proceed with considerable confidence.

But confidence can be different than pride. Recently - for these morning meditations - I stumbled on an entirely credible hermeneutic using the story of the Centurion to suggest Jesus had blessed a gay relationship. I intend to give it more attention. At some point, almost certainly, I will begin sharing it with others... as I am here.

Scripture deserves careful study. Any hermeneutic of any value must be approached with humility. The linguistic, historical, and cultural contexts are complicated. Confidence is one thing, certainty is usually not possible.

Sharing a possible meaning of scripture with our neighbors should begin where they are open and proceed in love to where they are closed. Along the way I need to be very attentive to where I have closed my own heart, mind, and spirit to the still small voice of God.

An heretic sinneth deadly in pride, for he chooseth his rest and delight in his own opinion, and in his own sayings, for he imagineth them to be true; which opinion or sayings are against God and holy Church, and, therefore, he sinneth mortally in pride, for he loveth himself and his own will and wit so much, that though it be plainly against the ordinance of holy Church, he will not leave it, but resteth thereon, as upon the truth, and so maketh he it his god; but he beguileth himself, for God and holy Church are so united and accorded together that whoso doth against the one doth against both. And, therefore, he that saith he loveth God, and keepeth His biddings, and despiseth holy Church, and setteth at nought the laws and ordinances thereof, made by the head and supreme thereof appointed to govern all Christians, he lieth, for he chooseth not God, but chooseth the love of himself, contrary to the love of God, and so sinneth mortally. And wherein he imagineth most to please God, he most displeaseth Him; for he is blind, and will not see. (John Climacus)

I was born into a proudly non-conforming church. For the last twenty years I have participated in the life of a largely orthodox church.

I have considerable respect for my own will and wit. But I choose to defer in most ways to the orthodoxies of the church. I do not always embrace the orthodoxies, but I respect them, consider them, and over the years they have certainly influenced what I have come to understand of God and my relationship with God and neighbor.

The church is a human creation. I understand that humans are created by God and participate in God's intention and capacity. I have some confidence in the wisdom-of-crowds, especially when such wisdom is accumulated over centuries. While such wisdom is less than certain, it has a better chance than my own limited capacity.

The image is of the first Council of Nicea.