If a man is not envious or angry, and does not bear a grudge against someone who has offended him, that does not necessarily mean that he loves him. For, while still lacking love, he may be capable of not repaying evil with evil, in accordance with the commandment, and yet by no means be capable of rendering good for evil without forcing himself. To be spontaneously disposed to do good to those who hate you belongs to perfect spiritual love alone. (Maximos the Confessor)

To render good for evil as a matter of conscious will is not sufficient. Love is not only a discipline, it is a spontaneous expression.

This is not the spontaneity, however laudatory, that prompts a stranger to plunge into icy water to save a child. This love is self-sacrifice on behalf of those who have ignored, abused, and hated you. It is an expression of the same love with which Jesus forgave and transfigured those who crucified him.

I am a reasonable master of the stoic disciplines. I am not typically consumed by anger or envy. But I lack love and can be a clanging cymbal.